somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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