I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
