YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You smell like stripper and shame
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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