Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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