He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
