they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
