I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize