wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
