she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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