I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
