i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
