Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize