people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
