names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
