I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Boobs are out for the taking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
