How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
