She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
