Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize