PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
