She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
