I want to stick my p in your. b.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
