***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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