and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
