I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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