i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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