You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
