tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
