remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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