i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
