I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
