It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
