I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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