Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
