dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
