This girl is more easily done than said...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
