I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
