lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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