I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you traded sex for a burrito?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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