EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
