Sponge bath it is.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
