omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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