before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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