it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize