i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
vagina is talking i cant
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
