new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Found your dick twin last night
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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