It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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