i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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