Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
