five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Can you bring me the toilet please
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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