Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think I am morally bankrupt
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize