know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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