He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
