Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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