I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize