i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
