she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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