I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
