On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
