You smell like a Billy Joel song
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
