I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
