A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize