quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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