After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
