so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
