i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
