My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
