I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
