Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
