worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
