ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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