oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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