he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
