whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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