Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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