Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
