The maid of honor just puked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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