Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
