dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
