Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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