Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
