I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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