Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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