she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
