well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
