My friends, they love my intelligence
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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